So many people make the mistake of thinking that the most important issue in weighing whether something will succeed or not is if they can do what it takes to accomplish the goal.

In this super competitive, lean and mean business environment I find myself working with clients all the time on how to make the most of situations in order to advance and succeed.

You have to get to know how you lead – What are your strengths? What are your blind spots or deficits? Only then can you begin building your leadership toolbox, adding to the skills you already have.

I think simple, memorable frameworks help so I created one. I call it Leadership: Inside, Outside and In-Between. Leading from the INSIDE are those internal characteristics necessary to lead. I define IN-BETWEEN as our interactive leadership skills. And, finally leading OUTSIDE, is about how we relate to the larger world outside of us, or the totality. 

The other day I was speaking to a client. She was exploring how to best approach a career opportunity. This led us into a lively conversation of the context surrounding the opportunity.

Why? Because without an exploration of the context she can’t be clear about which moves would result in better outcomes.

Life leadership focuses on harnessing our leadership potential in order to build positive, stable, creative personal and professional relationships and environments. It is about acting with a purpose rather than reacting without consideration of the outcome. It demands caring about and listening to what matters to others including our self. It means formulating a vision that benefits everyone and forging a path to achieve the vision.

I’ve been reading some books on neuroscience and what makes the brain “tick” (it’s fascinating how the wet ware between our ears processes incoming sensory information and creates thoughts, emotions, memories etc.) so, when Amazon did their usual data driven cross-sell and presented me with various titles that “others like me bought as well” I stumbled on an interesting book by Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, a research psychologist and professor of psychology at the University of California who has been formally investigating well-being for over twenty-years.

An excuse is an internal explanation that helps us justify are actions.  Excuses make us exempt from responsibility for whatever we choose to say or do. When we make excuses we are making an allowance for what we are doing or not doing. The excuse frees us from any obligation or duty. It grants us a free pass, pardoning us from leading our life.

I have a dirty little secret – I love sleep. I go to sleep before midnight every night including weekends and I wake up between 8 and 8:30 every morning without an alarm. This way I don’t get grumpy – as my friend Clare would say. So why is this a dirty little secret? Because somewhere along the line sleep deprivation got associated with being successful, a real go-getter, being a winner. Many of my clients suffer from sleep deprivation but the mere mention of getting more sleep is met with more resistance than pretty much any other challenge I make in my work. And believe me my work is often about turning the way one does things on tilt.

Huma Abedin was most definitely victimized when her husband pushed the send button on his computer on multiple occasions. As was Hillary Clinton, Jenny Sanford, Silda Spitzer, Jackie or Marianne Gingrich, and many others when their husbands very publicly humiliated and betrayed them. As women we all sympathize with them. This is because most of us have felt the sting of betrayal or humiliation at some time, which can leave us spiraling down into a deep hole of victimization.

When women learn to step up as the leaders of their lives we are better able to switch from reacting to responding to life and work. We are better equipped to make more informed decisions and take responsibility for how things turn out. Acting as leaders we open up more options in our intimate relationships, concerning our finances and health, within our families and communities and of course, in our work and career.

Every one of us contributes to the shaping of our world. We make it – our world – every day through how we act and what we do. There are all sorts of ways we do this. We talk to people sharing our opinions, ideas and knowledge. We express opinions. We are emotional. We use our intellect. We build things like websites, gardens, highways or health care systems. We raise children, love our husband or partner and help our neighbors. We work, volunteer, vote, and build lives in cities and towns.

I am tired but can’t seem to stop Facebooking, Tweeting, writing about leadership and surfing the web. I thought I needed some food to provide much needed energy. But even after a delicious lunch of organic lunchmeat and cheese on gluten free bread with a side of sautéed veggies fresh from my garden I’m still tired.

Life Leadership is about accepting responsibility as we walk through our everyday life. It means when something needs doing you recognize it and take initiative to get it done. It means agreeing to take action as if it is your duty. When you accept responsibility for what goes on around you it does not mean you control everything that happens or other’s responses. What it does mean is that as things outside of your control happen you are in charge of how you respond and the choices you make about what you do.